Tuscany: Golden Hour

Tuscany is my dream today. 

Look at its beauty. What struck me about Tuscany is the light, and the depth it gives to the world shown in the picture. My favorite time of the day has always been what I call the "golden hour" which is after the harsh, penetration of afternoon sun and before the vastness of nights darkness. It happens as the sun drops to the edge of the world and the rays giving loving good byes. The sun light turns the world to a golden shade that turns ugliness into beauty. The world looks different during golden hour. I love seeing this difference. Even Vegas looks beautiful during the golden hour.

 As I look at these pictures all I see is light and color. It makes my soul ache with desire to see this place in person. If there is one thing that I have gained from reading it is the ability to romanticize. I watch a movie or read a book and I am struck with the qualities that make the time or region seem golden like the golden hour of the day.

 People talk about how when they finish reading a book and they feel this deep loss when they finish. It is something that I am felt because of the romanticizing. I learn so much about human nature and the world as I read books and watch movies. I love that feeling. I just finished watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" and it makes my dreams take shape into the soft hills of Italy with its bountiful fields and flourishing sunlight. I am suddenly dreaming of leaving and living in Italy. I wonder about the place I would live, the people I would meet, the food I would eat, and the many experiences I would have. What is interesting about these dreams is that it would require me to leap and dive into unknown waters. I am not quite as adventurous as I was as a child. It is a quality that I miss having. Becoming a mother brought this fear into my life because suddenly I had something so precious to live for and take care of each day.

I have slowly realized one of the unexpected things that came with being a new mother was extreme and unfounded worries. The anxiety took from me the ability to be present in the light. To see things with the golden light that I love so much. I am learning to tell myself that there is nothing to worry about and if there is something to worry about I won't worry about it until it is time and present in my life. Anxiety is a fear of the potential danger and loss in the future. It is full of "what if's" that most likely will never come true. It is almost like believing that you are a fortune teller and think you know exactly what will happen. You don't know and that is just adding loss to your life. You're losing moments of happiness to moments of fear that will probably never come true. You lose. You don't gain during moments of anxiety.

That is the tough thing though about anxiety. It a deeply personal feeling that feels so real the pain pierces your soul even if it hasn't happened. If you a fear loved ones death, but only the "what if they die" then you a mourning their death that hasn't even occurred. You are losing those moments with them that they are alive.

As I am writing this, I am realizing that it is a mindset that traps you into fear and worry. It is a mindset that takes time to change and learn new positive methods of thinking. The mind is a place of wonder and danger. I think that is why I am in love with the idea of living in Tuscany. It is a golden place that reflects love, family, and growth. That is how it is always portrayed in the movies and books. It is a place where characters find peace and contentment. It is where characters find the golden qualities of life.