Forget Time

“Death must be so beautiful,” says the ghost in his short story The Canterville Ghost. “To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.” 

Oscar Wilde has never been a favorite of mine, but I will admit that he is a thought provoking writer. The quote above strikes me deeply right now. I love the idea of forgetting time. A world that isn't dominated by a schedule or a to do list. One of my favorite things about going to the beach in the summer is the lack of time. You are free to be. Being out in nature does that. I love how therapeutic going camping can be. There are no markers of time but the sun, and even then you are free to do what your body wants and needs. Listening to the silence. Your mind at peace. October has always been a golden month to me. The sun touches the world with a golden light that makes time seem to float by in a slow, and refreshing pace. I have always loved this month. The crisp fall air, and the golden leaves crunching on the ground. Last fall Delaney and I went on a lot of walks around Rexburg. She discovered leaves for the first time. Her joy of throwing them into the air was addicting.

The only thing I might love more than October is the joy that my family brings. After a stressful day at school Delaney's laughter is the best cure, and Mike's arm around my shoulders is the best way to keep my feet planted in reality and to forget the angst of anxiety and responsibility. They are my greatest medicine in life. Yoga has been an escape as well. The breathing and stretch of muscles has helped me empty my body of toxic stress. If there is one thing that I am trying to do with my life, it is to take care of myself. I know that a lot of people rely on me right now. I have to take care of myself or I can't help anyone else.

I love my kids. They tell me how much they love my class, and that makes me glow. It makes the lack of sleep and annoying requirements worth bearing. They may just be sucking up but I don't really care. It is addicting to know that you are making a difference. That you are showing the kids that learning is a thrill, and that it can make a difference in their life.

Fall is very different in Vegas. There are not many leaves, and the temperature is still in the high 70's and low 80's. I can't complain. It is nice to be outside in a t-shirt, but it is weird that it is not cold. I love being cold. I love crisp. I just received a new blanket for my birthday from my mother in law. I love it. Thick, and flannel. It just needs to be cold enough to use it. I sometimes turn the AC up so that I can burrow into my blanket. I love burritoing myself up in blankets, and surrounding myself with pillows. It may be weird but I love it. The blanket burrito drives Mike crazy sometimes. He thinks that it makes me inaccessible to cuddle with. He can just cuddle me and the blanket. The more the merrier.

This time next week I am going to be packing my suitcase in preparation for my trip to Washington. I am so excited to be going home for a few days. I will get to experience fall again. Delaney might be able to play in piles of leaves while we are there. Her new favorite activity is crawling into the cupboards, and making interesting noises with her mouth. She astounds me with her ability to grow and learn. She loves her Daddy. She calls him "Dadt". She can sign "more" and "all done". She loves to fold her arms to pray. She is rocking nursery at church which is a blessing! Blankie is a must have where ever we go. She loves purses and shoes. She is a little bit addicted to watching Disney movies and "Jake and the Neverland Pirates".

Mike is at his first coaching meeting right now. He will start coaching a girls team next month. He will be paid 600 a month to coach. That is exciting. He is reffing all the time. He is tutoring a freshman from Liberty HS once a week. He is staying busy with learning how to program and checking his daily reddit. He is doing the grocery shopping and the chores at home. He is keeping me sane. I would be so lost without him. Delaney loves her daddy. When he is gone, she will run and yell "Dadt! Where Dadt?" They are becoming so close and I love it. They have all kinds of little games between the two of them. I love watching it.

Homesick

I am homesick. I am not sure for exactly what though. At this point in my life I have at least two homes: Washington and Idaho. I am homesick for my friends in Rexburg. I am homesick for true fall weather. I miss the rain. I know that Nevada will turn into a home of its own, but until then I am homesick.

I woke up this morning in a funk. I had dreamed about my family. I don't remember details, I just know they were in my dream. That was a tough way to start the day. Luckily my sophomores kept me busy enough that I didn't have much time to think. I finish teaching my sophomores and I am mentally and physically exhausted. They are a rowdy bunch, and keep me on my toes all the time. So today I am grateful for my rowdy sophomores who just want to be themselves. They are so determined to be individuals, but at the same time they want to be part of the group. Watching them makes me glad that I am past the high school years.

Tomorrow I have my seniors. I have enjoyed block schedule because it makes the week go by so much faster. I love it. It makes it hard though when I don't see my kids everyday. Today I planned vocabulary stations for my kids. I decided to try something different. My 5th period went a little crazy, and my 7th period actually functioned really well with it. I hate how a lesson will be awesome with on class but tank with another. I needed a win with my 7th period today, and I had a small victory. They were on task today. The vocab stations went too long but it was beneficial for them. My classroom looked like a war zone after the last bell rang. Paper every where. I guess it shows that we were busy learning. Small victories are what I am celebrating lately.

I am tired most of the time, which means working out is almost nonexistent. I ride my bike to school and back every day, but I rarely have the time or energy to go running. That is on me. I know that working out equals more energy, but that sacrifice of sleep and energy until i get the benefits would probably push me into an insane asylum.

I take little mental breaks to watch my favorite shows like "New Girl" and "Sons of Anarchy". "Scandal" starts this week which has me pumped. This weekend is homecoming weekend, as well as conference weekend. I have signed up to chaperone the homecoming dance this Saturday. I also need to be there for the HC football game to help my freshman and cheer for my seniors.

Mike has been the best during all of this. He supports me and takes care of Delaney. There are days when I don't want to take much more but he helps pull me through. We are extremely blessed. We have a job, an apartment, food on the table, and each other. I am grateful. I don't want to sound like I am whining. I just needed to let out some steam. I never knew how much stress I would have as a teacher, especially during my first year. I am so blessed to have the support of my family and Heavenly Father. I just need to take it one day at a time.